Let's face it, when we're bogged down with heavy burdens, we're not gonna feel too sexy and are more inclined to be bitchy. If you're looking at your significant other and only thinking about the bills or that idiot at work, then you're wasting an opportunity for happiness and human connection.
I'm asking you--no, no, no I'm urging you--to stop the madness! When you're 90 years old, are you going to be thinking, "wow, I'm so glad I stressed so much about bills and getting sleep when I was young and didn't have sex as often as I could have because now I'm...well, now I'm 90?" NO! Hell, no!
I know it's hard--I know we all get tired and stressed--but what better way to rejuvenate than to connect with your significant other? Say YES to a quickie in the morning...or at lunch...or in the shower...or before bed even though that report is due in the morning...whatever. Say YES!
It's funny how we're a society of 'no' when it comes to anything to do with ourselves. Guilt consumes us if we miss work or can't volunteer at school; for those things, we usually say yes without question, yet are quick to say no to anything pleasurable for ourselves that we may deem "frivolous". Being happy is not frivolous. Connecting with our lover is not frivolous. Establishing memories with the important people in our lives is NOT frivolous!
Are you understanding this? Say YES to your own happiness. That's sexy. Need help remembering how to play? (Don't worry if you do, it's a problem many adults have.)
- Play hooky for the sake of playing. Convince your significant other to do the same--spend the entire day in bed, even if it's just talking or napping in between making love. Go to a matinee and hold hands over the popcorn. There's something very sexy about "being bad" no matter what your age is.
- Role play. Have your significant other pretend to pick you up in a bar and play hard to get--make him work for it. You'll end up laughing at the silliness of it all later...but that's what you need to do...LAUGH. Or let him be the Professor while you're Mary Ann and you're both stranded on a desert island (that's my age showing there...remember Gilligan's Island? LOL). You get the idea. Add some fun into the mix.
- Speaking of fun--sex toys, people! They're not just for the fringe--why should they have all the fun? Spice it up in the bedroom, experiment a little, go out of your comfort zone, say YES to some adventure that rips the sheets from the bed.
- Do something that you used to do before the kids came along or before the jobs became too demanding--head out for a night of dancing or playing pool. When you do this, you remember each other as you used to be before "life" got a hold of you, you remember what attracted you to each other in the first place. This isn't the same as date night, which I think is kind of lame. This is simpler than that--no expectations of "we must now have a date night and absolutely no talking about the kids". What I'm talking about here is simply doing something you used to do, maybe laughing over old times, reconnecting on a basic level. No rules.
- Speaking of rules--screw 'em. Why do we as adults suddenly make up rules for our significant others? Stop it. If he wanted his mommy, he'd have never left home when he was 18. A little bit of freedom shows respect--and that's sexy. Do you want a man or a castrated, beaten down shell in your bed? Personally, I prefer a man.
- Say yes to sex with your significant other. Now this may tick people off--but I'm talking about CONSENTING sex here--and, of course, if you're sick then it's probably a no go. However, if you're simply tired or reading or watching your favorite television show (hello--DVRs have a pause button!), then get over yourself and realize that you have an opportunity to share yourself with someone who wants to share themselves with you. That's amazing--celebrate it. Sex is about connecting, intimacy and love. Never use it as a weapon--that's hurting both of you. Like I said above, when you're 90...or when you're widowed...or when it's simply too late...what will you regret more? The sex you had or the sex you avoided?